Day 16 Williams/Bradfort Families Therapy Support Netwok

We were all terribly exhausted! None of us had slept or ate much. Grandpa Alan included, he kept saying how we needed to make sure are Dad took care of himself better, as if he would have listened to any one of us or to the doctors for that matter. Emelie secretly knew that if her Dad had decided it was his time then it was o.k. with him. Well, it really wasn't o.k. with her! She also knew it really wasn't o.k. with Aiden or Bella either. It would just tear them all apart. Emelie just knew all the guilt would just eat her alive! It of course wasn't her fault, but she had watched his eating habits her and Janie both and been helpless to do anything. Plus day after day watching him sink farther into depression, and not make an effort to bathe himself, or sometimes not leave the car while Janie and her went grocery shopping, they waited on him hand and foot at home. It was clearly unhealthy for him, killing him even. Nobody did a thing, because everyone had already tryed everything! His , family, everyone, this was just what he was most comfortable with. What he knew to be a "normal" life. Emelie felt far from "normal" most days. Anymore she was either on the verge of balling out in tears, or just hiding from it all! In whatever she could find, reading, writing, arts and crafts, even cooking healthy foods and exercise when she hated both! Anything not to face these awful things going on in her home. Her Grandpa and Dad both seemed ready to just give up, she knew in her heart of hearts however that everyday was an extreme struggle that she herself could never fully appreciate, much less understand. So, she knew that they both loved her and didn't really necessarily want to leave her and her Mother alone. Yet that is exactly what in reality what was happening. It was just so mind and heart numbingly hard, that she just pushed it all aside as hard as she could. It didn't always work though! She prayed very hard to be able to understand why this was meant to happen to her family. There must be a purpose to all of this misery is the only thought that kept her going through most days at all. God was very mysterious though and she probably wouldn't get the answers to these prayers until many years later, when she would have given anything to have the answers now. This wasn't up to her. It really almost drove her mad at times, she knew it did the same to her Mom, though Mom put on a much better poker face about it, and for a longer period of time. It all still hurt. How could she explain that to Aiden and Bella, when she's supposed to be the big brave older sister, she just didn't know. They would have to just understand and that's the end of it. So, they each sat silently in there own little corners of the very large room, handling things in there own way as they had been brought up and raised to do. This method clearly did not work for them well at all! End of Day 16